


What To Do After Firing.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Flash Fic, Gen, Satanism, The Chattering Order of St. Beryl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 21:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19364392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: One switch too many finds Sister Mary Loquacious raising the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness. Or, as she calls him, Jude. She's always liked The Who.





	What To Do After Firing.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the Naming Of Parts by Henry Reed.

1.

Sister Mary Loquacious looked down at Baby B. He gurgled up at her. Already a talker! He would fit right in to the Chattering Order of St. Beryl, excepting, of course, that the Order was disbanding.

Sister Mary felt a lot of conflicting things about that and, still being a member of a Chattering Order, told all of them to the baby. The last bit of Order business was getting him adopted out. They'd find a good local family for him and that would be it for everything that made up all of Sister Mary's adult life.

She knew she'd miss it. But she wouldn't miss it so much if she could take something away from it.

"I'll take the surplus baby," she told Mother Superior at the end of a long satisfying conversation about the best length of time to steep tea.

Mother Superior shrugged as Sister Mary had thought she would. "It'll all be the same in a hundred years time," Mother Superior said, then corrected herself. "Eleven years time."

Sister Mary nodded. They'd done their part in bringing about the Apocalypse. Nothing else to do now except live until it happens.

"I think I'll name him Jude," Sister Mary said. "I've always liked The Who."

"Oh, yes," Mother Superior said, satisfied. "Their song Ragdoll is excellent."

 

2.

Alone in the manor except for a baby, Sister Mary read magazines. First she read the kind of magazines that told her how to raise a baby, but since a lot of those magazines were concerned about raising the best child to get into college, Sister Mary tossed those aside. Then she read magazines that talked about religion. She had been a Satanist since birth and hadn't ever rebelled against the higher powers in her life. The baby magazines had talked about raising her child within her church, but Sister Mary's church had disbanded. Should she find a different one for Jude? Sister Mary looked through the religion magazines, but tossed them aside as well. She could do enough home religious study. No child of hers was ever going to wonder about if there was a god. _Her_ son was going to know there was a Satan.

The magazines that talked about orgasms were instructive, but boring. Sister Mary gave herself several satisfying ones and moved on.

She found her passion in building projects. As the manor grew back up around her, and as Jude went from crawling to toddling to running, Sister Mary found her inner Mary Hodges once more.

Mary Hodges was a business woman. Mary Hodges was an _entrepreneur_. Mary Hodges was a single mother providing for herself and her son in the end times.

And she was going to provide for her family by facilitating team building events. 

It seemed appropriately Satanic.

 

3.

The day the paintball guns turned into real guns, Mary Hodges fell asleep at her desk.

Mary Hodges never fell asleep at her desk.

Her customers were all confused about what happened. The police blamed hallucinogens. Mary remembered in time that she was no longer a member of a Chattering Order and so kept her mutterings all internal. Against the Order rules, against the proper rules of being a Satanist that she had followed her entire adult life, she didn't say what she was thinking.

She didn't say that it had been almost eleven years.

And she also didn't say there were security cameras in her office.

 

4.

The security cameras showed her two demonic entities who claimed to have lost the Antichrist. It showed her two men who wanted to know if the switch went wrong somehow.

The switch couldn't have gone wrong. Sister Mary had done most of it herself and she was always very good at following orders. A few other nuns had helped but that wasn't too important to the switch. Sister Mary had been the most instrumental of her sisters. And she'd gotten to have tea with the American ambassador!

It must be some mistake. Those must have been angels instead of demons. That must be it. Good for you, Sister Mary, not telling them where the Antichrist was!

But they hadn't asked her that. They hadn't asked her at all where the babies were. The Antichrist was in London, but the other baby was just over in Tadfield. Adam Young, he was called. He and Jude had met once, but hadn't liked each other.

Jude...

Mary Hodges rushed to meet Jude biking home from school. His little yappy dog was following him. Mary hadn't been sure about getting him a dog for his birthday, but when the stray had shown up, Jude had taken to it immediately, and how could Mary say no? She knew as well as anyone how soon the world was going to be over. Why not let the boy have a dog?

The dog's name was Beryl. Mary had never been prouder.

 

5.

It was when the Four Bikers of the Apocalypse showed up that Sister Mary began to wonder if she might have made a mistake eleven years ago.

Jude was looking at them very confused. "No, we're _entrepreneurs_ ," he told them clearly. "That means we sell people things! I can't sell people the apocalypse. No one would buy it!"

"They will buy it in all the kingdoms of the world," said one of the bikers with a voice that shuddered Mary back to her earliest childhood, memories she'd always tried to lock away behind a forced smile, determination, and chatter.

"I don't think you have a good market strategy," Jude said in a voice he had learned from his mother. Mary wondered if he had also gotten it from his father. "Come back when you've worked on it more. Maybe my mother can help."

Jude looked over his shoulder at Mary, who felt rooted to the spot. She slowly shook her head at him.

"Oh, okay, she's too busy," Jude apologized to them.

"It must be now," said another one of the bikers.

Jude shrugged and turned around. "I have homework," he dismissed. "I know we're all Satanists here, but homework comes first. But we've got biscuits if you're hungry." And, his mother's son, he started talking to them. 

And he kept talking until they went away.

**Author's Note:**

> [this post on dreamwidth](https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1050986.html); [this post on tumblr](https://lannamichaels.tumblr.com/post/185852089035/what-to-do-after-firing-1047-words-by-lanna)


End file.
